LAST CALL
JOhN BOhLINgER
JOhN BOhLINgER
Faith, an Eel and the Sneaky Bastard
My friend Kyle Gustie, co-founder of
262Five, a premiere tour and event management outfit allied with Doc McGhee
Management, is the Leonardo da Vinci of
pranks. His Mona Lisa/magnum opus of
practical jokes involves Faith Hill and a
dead eel.
A few years back, Kyle worked a Brooks
and Dunn/Faith Hill package tour across
Canada. Near the end of the tour, Faith,
in the spirit of good practical road pranks,
had a thousand balloons blown up and
stuffed in one of the Brooks and Dunn
buses... a harmless, cute little lark. She
then had her team fill opening act Wade
Haye’s stage water with salt. When unsuspecting Wade took a swig to loosen up
his vocal chords mid-concert, he got a
throat full of salt water, which did his voice
no favors. Again, it’s Faith Hill, so these
cute little inconveniences were playfully
laughed off, at least in public.
Behind close doors, Ronnie Dunn pulled
Kyle aside and said, “Kyle, you’re a sneaky
bastard. It’s up to you to get Faith back.”
Alway eager for mayhem, Kyle quickly
orchestrated a payback. Kyle called the
Wyndam Hotel in Winnipeg, where the
tour was staying. “Listen,” Kyle authoritatively barked into the phone, “I’m the
tour manager for the Brooks and Dunn/
Faith Hill tour. Faith goes on in fifty-seven
minutes and needs a makeup bag that’s
in her room. I am sending our production
assistant over to get it. His name is Kyle
Gustie. Make sure you ask to see his identification and tour credentials. So help me
God, there will be hell to pay if you do not
check credentials.” The somewhat star-struck and terrified desk clerk assured him
that the “production assistant” would be
able to procure Faith’s stuff.
Kyle arrived at the Wyndam with an
enormous, semi-frozen, dead eel stuffed
inside his jacket and asked the desk clerk
for a key to Faith’s room. The Desk Clerk
asked, “May I please see some identification and your tour credentials?” Kyle
obliged and was given the key. Once in
Faith’s room, Kyle gingerly pulled back
the covers of her bed and lovingly laid
the dead eel in the center, halfway down
Although none
of us were there
to witness it,
the word is that
Faith pulled back
the sheets, saw
the eel, shrieked
and asked for a
new room.
where it would be unavoidable when she
slinked into bed, hopefully naked. Kyle
then returned to the concert giggling
maniacally as he imagined the terror the
eel would strike in poor Faith.
Regrettably, Wade, who is too nice for his
own good, learned about the prank and
hinted to Faith that she may have a hor-
rible surprise in her bed. Although none
of us were there to witness it, the word is
that Faith pulled back the sheets, saw the
eel, shrieked and asked for a new room.
Years later Kyle asked her about it and
she replied that to this day she is creeped
out in hotel beds and always pulls back
the covers. The next day at the airport,
a customs agent asked Kyle what he was
doing in Canada. Kyle told him that he
was working on the Brooks and Dunn tour
and the agent revealed that he was a
huge fan.
Smelling an opportunity Kyle said, “B and
D will be coming through here shortly.
Please tell them that there has been a call
from the Wyndam hotel citing damages
to a room and that they will not be able
to leave Cananda until they pay $6000 in
damages.” Although it’s probably an enormous violation of some international law,
the agent agreed and Kix and Ronnie were
nervously detained at customs until the
agent traded their freedom for some autographed photos and slaps on the back.
Ronnie and Kix assumed that sweet Faith
had exacted her revenge on them and
Kyle’s role as a double agent remained a
secret… until now. Gentle reader, beware
when you employ a sneaky bastard to do
your dirty work.
John Bohlinger
John Bohlinger is a Nashville guitar slinger who works primarily in television, and has recorded and toured with over
30 major label artists. His songs and playing can be heard
in major motion pictures, major label releases and literally
hundreds of television drops. Visit him at: youtube.com/
user/johnbohlinger or facebook.com/johnbohlinger
