LAST CALL
DEADLINES ARE YOUR FRIEND BY JOHN BOHLINGER
Irecently did a home-studio project for an ESPN documentary about Condredge
Holloway—who was both the
first black quarterback in an SEC
school and who led Tennessee to
three bowl games from 1972 to
’ 74. The show’s producers needed
51 seconds of music that sounded
like classic ’70s funk, and they
needed it fast. Licensing was not
available on the place-holding
music they were using, and
ESPN wanted to see (and hear)
something before the weekend.
I literally had two hours to get
something to them.
To think is to undermine:
Thinking makes the most natural
act unnatural. Think too much,
and you can’t urinate in a public
restroom or sleep when you are
exhausted at 2 a.m. Next time
you’re in a crowded room full of
strangers, really focus on walking
naturally from one end to the
other. You will inevitably feel awkward. That’s why booze remains
so popular at parties—it turns off
your brain so you can feel natural.
When it comes to getting a
natural feel while recording, I
hearken back to the words of my
mentor, Homer Simpson, who
said, in a nutshell: There’s a time
to think and there’s a time to do
stuff, and this is definitely not a
time to think. Because I spend
a good deal of my not-thinking
time watching music on You Tube,
I began this project by typing
“FUNK 1972” into You Tube’s
search box and then mindlessly
engaging in “research” (I’m using
this somewhat academic term in
its broadest sense). I was lulled
into a semi-catatonic state as I
watched Earth, Wind & Fire,
Billy Preston, and P-Funk for
about 20 minutes, then I came
to in a panic thinking, “Get it
together, man. You’ve got a dead-
line—do your work!”
Research temporarily con-
cluded, I created a new Pro Tools
session file, opened a Toontrack
instrument channel, and played
the first “funk” drum loop I
could find. It sounded sufficiently
funky, so I copied it onto instru-
ment track #1 and repeated the
two-bar phrase 100 times. Then
I imported the Quick Time video
version of the ESPN documen-
tary and saw the drums lock with
the vid. This took roughly seven
minutes. Next stop: bass.
Search You Tube for “Bootsy’s Basic Funk Formula,” and you’ll be rewarded
with a groovin’ bass lesson from the “space bass”-wielding man himself.
it would be a little different, but
not really any better. Miles Davis
once said “Do not fear mistakes.
There are none.” I hate to contra-
dict Miles, but there were some
honest-to-God wrong notes on
my track. I listened and removed
the few ugly parts and left the
space open rather than redoing
them. As Bootsy said in his video,
“Space is good.”
In honor of Earth Wind &
Fire, I added a few keyboard-gen-
erated horn stabs. Now the music
was sounding pretty close to what
the client had described. I added
some delay to the lead track,
compressed the overall mix, and
emailed it to the client. The entire
project, including lots of You Tube
visits, took under two hours.
The next morning I was
informed that the producers
didn’t like the track, but they
got an extension and wanted
another version by the end of the
day—which gave me lots of time.
Rather than fix the old track, I
started a new track from scratch
and did the entire process over
again. Version two took a little
longer, because I put more time
into finding a cooler drum loop,
added drum fills at transition
points, and recorded an organ
pad over the entire thing. Overall,
it felt better. As of now, I haven’t
heard back from the client, so I’m
going with that old chestnut: No
news is good news.
JOHN BOHLINGER is
a Nashville-based guitar-
ist who works primarily in
TV and has recorded and
toured with over 50 major-
label artists. His songs and
playing can be heard in
major motion pictures, on major-label releases,
and in literally hundreds of TV drops. Visit
him at youtube.com/user/johnbohlinger or
facebook.com/johnbohlinger.
